We get to see the lives of these characters play out on the screen, but what about what we don't see? First Person Perspective lets us go behind the role, and find out more about the heroes of our story. Today, co-creator Magan Carrigan opens up about her personal connection to Nicki.
Just like with the last one, I've been avoiding writing this piece like the plague. Right now, I'm actually writing this in a notebook at work because Taylor's going to stage a hostile takeover of the company if I don't get this to him by the time I leave. I sailed right past the deadline and now I'm really down to the wire because this is going up tomorrow. (Hey, it's already tomorrow while you're reading this! Hey, future people! What are the lottery numbers? We need money! Desperately!)
Anyway, I guess you're wondering what the hell my problem is with these behind-the-scenes looks. Everyone else does theirs with no complaints! What's the deal, Magan? Honestly, I think it's because thinking about this stuff scares me – the more I solidify the show, the more real it becomes, the more likely it (and I) will fail. I know the show is great. I know that. And yet. I don't know, it's all very illogical.
It's also hard when talking about a protagonist in this context because I don't want to tell you what Nicki's like or what she needs or how she navigates the world, because that's the show. I'd much rather the audience discover who she is while she discovers that as well. One thing I can tell you is where Nicki lives inside me.
I was a very small, quiet kid. I didn't eat much, I was ghostly pale and almost always silent outside my home. It must be hilarious for people who know me to think such a big bellied, cackling loudmouth started out like that, but I did. When I think about that little girl, I get pretty emotional – as if she's my child that I failed to protect. I think, of any part of me, that little girl is most like Nicki. Open hearted, frightened but not aware enough to run away, delicate but strong – there's a certain strength in leaving your heart out for others to see and/or step on. She is myself and my baby – me, but not me. The me that hasn't experienced the shitty circumstances I lived through. The me that hasn't learned to know better yet. The me that really believes anything is possible and everything will work out.
Sadly, that kind of world only exists for children. Nicki will learn that soon. A lot of shit is coming Nicki's way, and I don't know if she'll make it out the same. She probably won't, but that's okay. You got to grow up sometime, kid.
So far, my favorite thing anyone has ever said about Nicki came from the amazing Clay McLeod Chapman. He called her "likable but doomed." That's absolutely what she is – there's no way this is going to go the way she wants, but that's just the world. She'll make it through. We're all doomed, but at least she's likable too.